Once upon a time I received constant emails from a source that claimed to have some money for me.
Dear Comerford,
I am confirming if you received my previous email regarding you having the same Surname with my late client Mr. A Comerford leaving in your name the sum of ( 5.5M usd. ) Please email me for more information.
Regards,
Edwin.
'Money?' you may say, 'How exciting.'
But no my naive friend. The money didn't really exist! I was being spammed.
How best to respond? Ignore them? Block them? Or reply...
Dear Edwin,
I'm so sorry for my slow reply. I was terribly shocked and saddened to learn of Adam's passing. We had been very close when we were younger but I had not seen him for years. The last time we spent any amount of time together was at a family reunion. It was a wonderful event, we danced together- I think it was to Michael Jackson. Do you like Michael Jackson? I am a moderate fan I'd say. I could do without 'Earthsong', but I'm sure a lot of people out there would agree. 'Thriller' is my particular favourite, although I don't see the point of the radio edit- go long or go home I always say. I remember the first time I met Adam. I was an awkward teenager, visiting America for the first time. He picked me up in his truck and drove me back to the ranch. The farm had several cows, good equipment considering the economy at the time, a horse called Dominic and another called Zeus. They did have a problem with bats in the roofs of their outbuildings, but we tempted them away with bits of taffy (because bats love taffy) and they relocated elsewhere. It's wonderful his farm has bought so much money in. I always wondered about their gold room, I never made my way into it as it was in the attic. I had thought that it was just a room they painted gold, but from the size of the inheritance I can only assume it was a room filled to the brim with actual gold. Perhaps they had made furniture out of it? A golden hammock, a golden hot tub, a golden sofa bed? Or perhaps he was living a life of crime and the family had no idea? There is a history of law breaking in the Comerford's family tree. My great great uncle Christopher P Comerford was a bootlegger during the prohibition. He made the strongest moonshine in the western territories and used to smuggle it into the Speakeasys using ornamental jugs with flowers in them. 'People always trust daisies' that's an old family saying passed down from the 1920s. Anyway please donate the inheritance to a charity, I know Adam was very interested in the welfare of bats, guinea pigs and old wicker furniture. If you could find a charity that encompasses all three of those things I'm sure you would make Adam very happy. Of course keep a sum for yourself for your services, however much you think is fair.
Many thanks,
Comerford
Surprisingly enough I stopped receiving emails from them after that.
Writer 1 - Spammer nil
Looking forward to the next time someone rings me about the injury I received in the car accident that wasn't my fault... I'll let you know how that goes...